Am I an Effective Listener?

I am a listener…..learning to be an effective listener.  I enjoy hearing others talk about their journey.  I enjoy this for several reasons. First, it is often enjoyable or therapeutic for the speaker. Next, hearing someone’s story helps me understand my journey.

I used to think listening was easy. Everyone thinks they can do it. However, effective listening  requires paying attention to the speaker and trying to understand their point of view.  It also requires appropriate feedback. Feedback includes questions for clarification and comments that let the speaker know you understand their comments and emotions. These skills need to be learned and practiced regularly.

Listening is usually enjoyable but difficult when people want to share negative or difficult parts of their journey. At these times, I try to say little and use nonverbal communication to show I am listening. During these times it is also better if I do not offer advice. The person sharing is smart enough to determine what is best. They usually just need someone to be a confidante.

One other rule that I try to keep in mind is that clichés are not to be used. Like advice, they only have a negative effect. How often have you heard someone say, "I know just how you feel!" Of course when we think about this, we can never know how someone feels. We can only empathize with them. Empathy is important. Sympathy is to be avoided also. When I empathize with someone, I walk beside them; I do not try to carry their burden.

As you can see, this listening is rather involved but valuable. There are many books written the subject. If you would like to discuss it, please feel free to email me or make comments.