There's Still Magic in the Journey

If we decide to do so, we can enjoy the magic of life's journey no matter which path we are traveling. I frequently mention Robert Frost and his famous poem The Road Not Taken. I do so because the first phrase presents a desire of many. We frequently face two or more good options and want to do them both. Choosing the best one for a particular time is a good dilemma.

            "Roads diverged in a yellow wood,
            And sorry I could not travel both
            And be one traveler," ...

All we can do is choose the road that seems the most appropriate.  Perhaps another road can be accommodated as a hobby or followed more fully at a later time. Wasting time on regret does not seem like a good idea.

A character in Eric Van Lustbader's new book, "The Bourne Imperative" gives another perspective. He says life guides and teaches lessons needed to survive and prosper. However, in order to learn these lessons, we need to get rid of pride.  We have to accept obstacles, to find the way through the obstacles rather than turning away from them. (Lustbader, 2012) Pride is probably mentioned because it can block our hearts and minds from considering advice and suggestions.

If we can follow the guide and learn these lessons, our number of regrets is minimal. However, we are changed by the experiences and can expect to find additional paths as we continue our journey. Sometimes fear causes us to choose the path of least resistance. If we do take the easy path, guilt and regret may kick in and we begin berating ourselves for making poor choices. This is when we need to be gentler with ourselves.

If it is too late to reverse the decision, calm down. A short walk in a park or quiet time in nature is often a good antidote. Just remember, an alternate path also can be rewarding. Try to determine what can be learned from this experience. It is still possible to enjoy today and anticipate tomorrow.

By enjoying today, those with whom you meet will sense your happiness and learn to appreciate their journey too.

Remember, we are here for a reason. Most people are born with a sense of what that reason is and are good at finding their way. Some of us have to work a little harder to make sure we are on the right path. However, that work is rewarding too because we learn a lot in the process.

Working with Anger

Yesterday I wrote about the effects exercise has on mood. (see “Keep Karma in Mind”)
Today I awoke angry. Since I live alone I had no one to yell at and no pet to kick, if I was so inclined. So I just seethed at Eric Baldwin, Charlie Sheen, overpaid football coaches and anybody who has been unfortunate enough to catch the attention of our national news media.

This internal ranting and raving continued for about thirty minutes. Then, my right palm came directly at my forehead and hit with a resounding splat. Wow!

Inner Voice: “Hey! You wrote about this Yesterday.”) “You are not a slow learner.”
Me: “No. I’m not a slow learner.” However, I have some habits that need to be modified.”
Inner Voice: “Well, think about what you wrote yesterday.”

I did. I followed my own instructions and as the research suggests, it worked. After a few minutes of “walking in the park,” my mood changed, even without the “kiss in the dark.” I challenge you to try it. I think you will like the results.                 
Note: If you enjoy my musings, please repost and/or share the blog address with friends.

Keep Karma in Mind

          There is a song lyric that reminds me that happiness comes from a walk in the park and a kiss in the dark. This song’s theory is reinforced by the research in the journal Environmental Health and Technology. Even if you spend five minutes enjoying Mother Nature it can improve your mood and sense of well-being. www.scientificamerican.com. (May 5, 2010)   Adding a kiss is just a bonus, if you are with the right person. Now add fifteen or twenty minutes of brisk walking and physical health is improved too.
    
           These are just two of many things that can help promote happiness.  However, as fun as it may be, you cannot kiss and walk all the time. So, I needed to add some ideas. When I discovered that several famous writers were saying that we tend to become like the people we spend the most time with, I became a little more selective about my friends. That was a huge help. However the “big” idea that I thought was so brilliant was not original. Like many good ideas in the universe they are there for all of us to grasp.

Before I tell you this great life changing idea, I will preface it by saying that it would be easy to list a dozen reasons why I should be depressed and angry with specific individuals, including myself.  In fact, I could get doctors and friends to agree with me and at different times have been encouraged by well-meaning people to be mean spirited. But returning evil for evil benefits nobody neither in the short term nor the long term. Karma, “action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad … in this life …” (dictionary.com) comes into play.
  
So, what was the life changing idea? Abraham Lincoln is given credit for saying, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”   That is what I decided to do several months ago. I made up my mind to enjoy today and anticipate tomorrow. After all, most of the things that seemed to be making other people unhappy were things for which they had no control.
One of the major things I began to notice was that I had so much for which to be thankful. My illnesses and troubles are often easier to manage than those of people with whom I came in to contact. Apostle Paul reminded us in about 54 AD (1 Corinthians 10:13), that we will not be given more than we can manage. Therefore, I can still enjoy today and look forward to tomorrow.

Am I an Effective Listener?

I am a listener…..learning to be an effective listener.  I enjoy hearing others talk about their journey.  I enjoy this for several reasons. First, it is often enjoyable or therapeutic for the speaker. Next, hearing someone’s story helps me understand my journey.

I used to think listening was easy. Everyone thinks they can do it. However, effective listening  requires paying attention to the speaker and trying to understand their point of view.  It also requires appropriate feedback. Feedback includes questions for clarification and comments that let the speaker know you understand their comments and emotions. These skills need to be learned and practiced regularly.

Listening is usually enjoyable but difficult when people want to share negative or difficult parts of their journey. At these times, I try to say little and use nonverbal communication to show I am listening. During these times it is also better if I do not offer advice. The person sharing is smart enough to determine what is best. They usually just need someone to be a confidante.

One other rule that I try to keep in mind is that clichés are not to be used. Like advice, they only have a negative effect. How often have you heard someone say, "I know just how you feel!" Of course when we think about this, we can never know how someone feels. We can only empathize with them. Empathy is important. Sympathy is to be avoided also. When I empathize with someone, I walk beside them; I do not try to carry their burden.

As you can see, this listening is rather involved but valuable. There are many books written the subject. If you would like to discuss it, please feel free to email me or make comments.